I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
