he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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