I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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