forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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