I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
