okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
