I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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