I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
