I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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