Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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