I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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