girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
