the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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