She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
