i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
