I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
