Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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