Swine flu. Run for my life!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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