Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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