I seem to have left my pride at pride
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So many bounce houses so little time
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
