I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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