Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
