pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We left the knife in your bed.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
