the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
