You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
