Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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