Fuck appropriateness.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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