Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
