i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
