my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
