i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
