i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
