Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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