We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He passed out mid-signature
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
