I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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