Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
