That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
