I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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