things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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