Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he puts the penis in happiness.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
