It was like getting head from an anaconda
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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