you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
