Your tits are I can't wait for
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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