i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
