I'm sorry my penis didn't work
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
