I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
