If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
