There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
