Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
