Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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